Today we had a bowling party for our teens. Everyone else's teens were all quiet and well-behaved and polite. Enter my teens: loud and obnoxious like a bunch of wild, crazed animals. I can only imagine what HQ thinks of me and my teens. They were just a bunch of freaks--screaming, running into each other while bowling, throwing shit. I have literally no control over them, especially when they're all coked up on sugar. I am so tired of doing the teen thing by myself. One of the new girls is supposed to help me, but she's totally detached from the job in every way, and seems really disinterested in helping. I wanted her to come to our next meeting in July, but since she's not scheduled to work and she commutes from the airport (which is a three hour round trip drive), she refused. So in August, I have to come in on a weekend when Im not supposed to work just so she can be there too. It drives me nuts. I've asked numerous times for other people at the branch to help me and no one will. Not a single person will help me with the teen stuff, which was totally dumped on me. Argh.
Ive been a total basketcase lately. I dont really know whats going on with me, if Im suffering from something physical or purely emotional. I have an appointment on Thursday to get some tests. I just hate this possessed feeling--like someone else has climbed into my head and is trying to claw their way out. I hate feeling like Im going crazy. Most of it is probably stress--worrying about moving, finding a job, money, the whole thing. It eats me up because its such a huge endeavor and because I want it so much. But I'd rather put my mind at ease and make sure that nothing is going on within my body. Then I'll have to figure out a way to relax, and have faith that the future will work itself out. I just wish I knew if we were making the right decisions, that someone could give me a timetable. I hate the unknown when its so big and important. ARGH!!!
I just got an email from the on-call library assistant position--the one with only part-time, irregular hours that pays $12 an hour to have me shelve all day long. Well, it turns out that I have to have at least 15 credits of a Masters program before Im even eligible for the job. Fucking nuts. I looked today at over ten counties in MN. Only two had library jobs. One required a masters degree. One required me to already be working in the county and able to make a lateral move. How can someone even get their foot in the door? Why do the crappiest jobs, the ones with the worst pay, that only give me shelving and straightening as tasks, still require a fucking masters degree? If Im putting myself $20,000 in debt for an advanced degree, you can bet your bottom dollar that when I get out, Im not going to take some $20,000 a year, entry level position at a public library doing the same boring gruntwork that Im doing now. Not. A. Chance. Argh. Im so frustrated.
On other topics, yesterday we saw two films in the Atlanta film festival. The first, March of the Penguins, was fabulous. Its a french documentary about the mating cycles and lives of the emperor penguins and the absolute hell they go through to have a baby in the South Pole. Wonderful.
The other was the Lady from Sockholm, a film noir consisting entirely of sock puppets. Wool War II is deep in swing, and there's a bias against wool. Cotton, a private detective, is on the hunt for the killer. Sock puppets! I love it!
We're seeing a few more tomorrow (one of animation and one about alienation), and another on Wednesday (about the disabled in Ghana.) Then Jeremy leaves on Thursday for MN, with me following him on Saturday. I cant wait. I really need to get the fuck out of here for a while.